What You Choose To See, And Not See, And Resiliency

You see this image. You see it may be me, but differently. I am wearing glasses.  The photo is blurry. Certain things stand out to you, yet those same things may not to another person looking at the same photo. You have your opinion of the photo, and someone else has their own opinion of it. You hypothesize and analyze why I posted it, or maybe you could care less.  Another looking at the same photo may judge it completely differently. This entire inquiry illustrates the point that each of us chooses to see what we want to see, hundreds of times per day, and in every aspect of our lives from the banal and benign to matters of life-altering significance. This seems tedious and often the decision of what we choose to see or not see is exhausting.

It seems to me that choosing not to see something is as active a choice as choosing to see, although it may be construed as avoidance. Think about it in an extreme case, when a child is abused by one parent, and the other parent knowing about it does nothing to protect the child, and in fact, acts like it is not even happening. One could say that the choice to stay silent is a culpable choice, and there is even law supporting this known as bystander culpability.

Your choices are the by-products of your conditioning that has formed the belief system you were raised on by parents, teachers, clergy and other influencers, plus your experiences. So in the case of my picture, you will see it and judge it based on hundreds of conditioned thoughts.  Many of us do not analyze the origin of our belief system or moreover, question it.  It is definitely simpler sticking to the script  just seeing what you feel comfortable seeing.

What if though, you choose to see something you have avoided seeing: a marriage that is unfulfilling; your self-critical loop; an unreciprocated friendship, for examples? Will choosing to see, meaning also examining what is actually going on, enhance your resiliency?  These questions are in a sense rhetorical as intuitively you know that by choosing to see the hard stuff, you will go through difficulty but by doing so you will come out stronger. It takes a great deal of courage to choose to see, especially when something is unclear: it is easier to walk away; pretend it is not happening; fall back on conventional conditioning; or basically close your eyes. The more you choose to see, the more resilient you will be ( a poetically phrased guarantee). 

 Linda Joy Walder