The Truth About Authenticity

The truth about authenticity is that it is often a lonely choice, one accompanied by anxiety and guilt. Think about it: from the day you are born, you are shaped by ingrained and often ill-suited values—absorbed both consciously and unconsciously. Layer onto that societal expectations, conventions, and inherited belief systems upheld by a structured society that frequently leans on prescribed thinking rather than independent reflection. All of this makes the authentic person likely to live a life that is, at times, misunderstood and marked by conflict. And yet, there are those among us who possess an innate calling to live according to their own unique values.

How, then, do we navigate the human need to belong alongside an inner calling for individuality? For example, in a world where many search for relationships to complete them, how does one live without seeking another to fill their emptiness, instead cultivating personal resilience to meet their own loneliness? Time and again, I have observed people feeling a “need” to be in a relationship rather than investing in a relationship with themselves. Choosing oneself first—taking the time to understand one’s needs, desires, and the influences that have shaped them, both positively and negatively—can elevate life tremendously. This self-knowledge not only informs healthier partner choices, but more importantly, strengthens one’s core happiness.  Exploring who you truly are is not an easy path, but it can be the foundation for lasting personal fulfillment and more satisfying relationships.

Authenticity is about living in ways that are meaningful to you. It often comes with the echo of overt and covert judgments from others. The essential realization is that these judgments have little to do with you and far more to do with how your authenticity unsettles or challenges them. Most who judge will not look deeply into why they are triggered. For this reason, living an authentic life ultimately rests with you. While it is valuable to listen and learn from others, the authentic person chooses what is right for themselves—and in doing so, builds resilience. 

Linda Joy Walder