“Friendshipping”

During your entire lifetime you meet people, at times, daily.  Most encounters are a meet and greet when you share particular conversations and you may never encounter the person again, like when waiting to get a tire changed or at the grocery store check-out.  Other times you meet people in social settings and share a cocktail and conversation.  You may meet up with them later and get to know them better, and sometimes a deeper friendship develops.  Living and working in a community you meet people all the time, at school, at work, at your house of worship, at recreational activities—and these friendships are grounded in the commonality of life’s circumstances at a given moment in time.

 

But why do some friendships last a lifetime while others last for a period then change or fade away?  I think the answer is that as your life changes, you change too, and so does your acceptance of and tolerance for certain ways of what I call “friendshipping.” If your friend loved and cherished you because of who you are, you will probably have a lifelong friend. However, sometimes, friendships that you think are about unconditional joy in sharing life together are actually about the “friend’s” needs for you to help them whether it is for social elevation, emotional support or companionship. You learn over time that when the tables turn and you need their support these “friends” make you feel like it is an obligation for them to be your friend.  They never call you back within a short period of time, and when they do they have all kinds of excuses. Rarely do they initiate making plans and sometimes they drop you altogether.  This sort of “friendshipping” becomes more and more incompatible as you grow in your feelings of self-worth.  This kind of “friendshipping” that is one-sided or lop-sided, not just on occasion but over a long period of time may not be worth your precious time any longer, or at least not as much of your time. In these cases, my advice is to take your new revelations about the person and embrace them as a blessing, even if there is some initial hurt, because you can now release the stress of having to please someone who actually has a whole different value system of what “friendshipping” is  than you have.  

 

Friendship is about reciprocity.  You are there for your friend in good times, hard times and all times and they are for you. When your friend reaches out to you, you are filled with joy and look forward to connecting.  When you invite your friend to do something they are excited to make plans. A true friend has their individual life with their own work, family and challenges but they enjoy sharing time with you and do not make excuses why they cannot. True friendship is one of life’s rare treasures. Yes, you will meet many people along the way, but those who remain by your side no matter how your life changes or you do are few and special.  A resilient friend is one who knows their value and wants to be with people who value them. A resilient friendship endures because each individual values the other.