Creating Healthy Boundaries and Conquering Guilt

When you are a people- pleaser, conditioned from childhood, it is challenging to change. The guilt permeates through your body when you create boundaries that value your own needs rather than seeking validation that feeds another person’s ego. How do you overcome the guilt to become a healthier you?

You have to become a renegade through your actions deciding to discard conventions in favor of your own mental health. We are trained to blindly “respect” adults when we are children so defying this precept feels revolutionary.

We strive to be  the “good” girl or boy succeeding in school, sports, career, and marriage to gain the approval and attention of parents, family, friends and society. We are indoctrinated though gaslighting and criticism to disregard our inner compass. This is why we feel unsure about our decisions and guiltily stay in relationships, jobs and places that do not align with our true selves.

It takes a great deal of courage to have boundaries but without them you will continuously attract siphons of your spirit. You will continue to tolerate behavior that makes you feel less than and unsatisfied in non-reciprocal relationships. We deserve people who value us for being our genuine selves, not people we need to please to get their approval. There comes a time in one’s life to NOT care what others perceive for you and to do what you see for yourself regardless of judgment knowing that those who judge are unsatisfied with their own choices and envy your courage to live the life you desire.

To develop healthy boundaries we must first work through our individual history to learn why we became a people-pleaser. Through this process unconditional self- love grows. Your boundaries are cultivated to protect and value you, and the healthy relationship with yourself that you have developed will attract like-minded individuals.

The resilient person does not feel guilty for unconditionally loving themself and having boundaries that value their identity. In this way, the people in your life will be ones who love the person you are, just as you are. You will not need to doubt or seek approval because you will embody the most significant approval of all, your own.

Linda Joy Walder