Why It Is So Hard To Say Goodbye

Goodbyes are often not easy. Sometimes we grow apart from someone who has been in our life for a long time because in the process of living we have changed and grown differently. Not every flower in the garden will survive, although it may have added great beauty at its peak.

In these instances, there is a choice to be grateful for what was shared in the experiences together, and what was gained as a result. Choosing to focus on the “wins” of a connection and often times gradually shifting important relationships, say from marriage to co-parent when children are involved, is a positively helpful way to transition from goodbye.

Some of the most difficult sorts of goodbyes are when one person does not want to say goodbye but has no choice because the other person has closed the door in their face for no apparent reason. If the person closing the door is considerate and respectful, they will explain why they are unable to continue, but sometimes that is not the case. In our society “ghosting” has become a way for people to disappear from a relationship without any regard or seeming consciousness about the feelings of the person with whom they once engaged. Ghosting is insensitive and cruel and it leaves the victim wounded.

This sort of hurtful and one-sided goodbye is difficult to reconcile for the person who was callously mistreated. In such instances there is no choice and no acceptable closure.  It is hard to imagine how a person who “ghosts” someone they have been friends with or in a romantic relationship with can live with themself knowing how hurtful their actions are. Perhaps in rare instances the “ghoster” will have the courage to evolve, reappear and explain themself, but a victim, unless otherwise indicated, must move on without closure.

The most devastating goodbyes are ones we must say when a loved one leaves our shared earthly existence. There is no one way or path forward, but the message for all is to try to go on with your life. Moving forward from the past to the future requires a sense of gratitude and faith that these difficult goodbyes can become opportunities to grow in understanding the purposes of our own lives.

Goodbyes of any sort are difficult and in many instances painful which is why if given the choice, people stay in unsatisfying and difficult relationships; they are avoiding the hurtful aspects of leaving. But is staying in a toxic relationship out of fear or obligation worth the consequences of depleting one’s life?

The resilient person understands that goodbyes are part of life, and that they facilitate moving forward to have new and enriching experiences that may never have existed if not for those goodbyes. Furthermore, when the resilient person initiates goodbyes they do so with considerate and honest communication, not ghosting. Finally, there will be times when goodbye is not a choice, and in those instances, the resilient person knows to focus on self-care as they continue their life, hopefully finding new meanings and purpose.